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Stop Walking on Eggshells Novel : Taking Your Life Back When |} {Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder


From a Patient's point of view, the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be an exceptionally traumatic and one. |} So it is a great pleasure to have the ability to discover a publication that's empathic toward people affected by this condition. next edition of "Stop Walking on Eggshells -- Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About has Borderline Personality Disorder" by Paul T. Mason, MS and Randi Kreger. |}

Finally, There's a sympathetic, wise, insightful, blame-free, plain and just written discourse aimed toward non-BPs with significant different BPs within their lives. clarifies what BDP is, symptoms of which may incorporate abandonment and rejection issues, absence of self-identity, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, inappropriate anger, psychological instability, paranoia, dividing of people into all good and bad and suicidal ideation. |} It provides everyday solutions for coping with BP behavior, the way to seek aid for the affected individual, what additional traits happen that the DSM does not mention, deals effectively with universal myths and everyday realities, explains succinctly why BPs behave the way they do and generally destigmatizes BPD.

It is a most Comprehensive book written for both sides of the borderline fence with easy to read chapters ending in succinct summaries. Text boxes are outlined in an attempt to underline the principal message of the appropriate passing and although this is somewhat distracting, it will serve a greater purpose. However, a word of caution to any BPs reading this novel: Though it is written in a really compassionate voice, it might unearth repressed memories from childhood and provoke unconscious triggering behavior you might not even be conscious of until the harm is done.

Many Technical and learned novels by distinguished psychiatrists have been published with regard to the behavioral and cognitive processes of people with BPD without really explaining at a humanistic level what this analysis could mean to the individual suffering and their emotionally healthy wives, husbands, partners and children. This book augments and expands on our current knowledge of BPD with considerably more important information including lesser known BPD traits like pervasive shame, undefined boundaries, control issues, absence of object constancy, interpersonal sensitivity and situational competence.

Within a few Psychology circles, BP victims are considered the"cane toads" of treatment , a seemingly ugly, wild species, much maligned and vilified, from control, multiplying fast and taxing the medical insurance system and also the patience and time of all concerned. It is not unusual for those people to be weeded from treatment by ruthless and unscrupulous emotional health professionals who view them as excruciatingly hard, exceedingly demanding, nearly untreatable and virtually stricken using their perceived"divide and conquer" ability to divide at will. In contrast, there are a few very educated therapists who are changing the plan of treatment and also the standard of life for all these people (think Marsha Linehan, founder of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, specifically intended for BPD).

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Stop Walking defines and explains BPD behavior in the historic context of genetic predisposition, a traumatic upbringing or social environment that has to be seen as dysfunctional early coping mechanisms and survival abilities internalized at a really young age. |} This book offers new and healthy techniques for dealing with significant relationships that overlays old experience with fresh. I believe its important message explains BPD behavior concerning manipulation . despair. In other words, BPDs do not deliberately consciously manipulate folks; instead, they are emotionally desperate in their panicked and frantic efforts to connect with others in a genuine and authentic method.

The publication is Divided into three parts. Recognizing BPD Behavior. |} This section gives much needed validation and vindication to children of BPs who have to understand that their BP parents' inexplicable behavior. |} Described in picture detail and with lots of anecdotes, it attempts to impart the knowledge that parental BP behavior and criticism is not about the non-BP kid and everything to do with the other. It defines the way the internal world of the BP grows, grows and explodes out of control and how this critical voice could seriously harm non-BPs' self-identity and self-esteem. As one non-BP mentioned:

My body Functions were also criticized. asserted I did not eat, walk, talk, think, run, sit, urinate, shout, sneeze, cough, laugh, bleed or listen correctly. |}

Many BPs Vary between extremes of idealization and devaluation, otherwise called"splitting" that is an unconscious defense mechanism. |} {BPs see people as possibly the wicked witch or the fairy godmother. |} The publication states:

Since People with BPD have a hard time integrating a individual's good and bad traits, their current opinion of someone is frequently based on their last interaction with them like someone who lacks a memory that is temporary.

Part One {Also explains how BPs lack an awareness of self, feel empty inside, they are different people depending on whom they are using, are dependent on other people for behavioral cues, are panicked and exhausted when independently, judge themselves and others harshly, never feel good enough and see themselves as helpless victims of other people. |}

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It further Clarifies why BP impulsivity and substance abuse often go together with self-mutilating behaviors which include cutting, burning, breaking bones, head banging, needle bending skin scratching, and pulling out hairs and ripping off scabs. |} The purpose of self-injury is relief of disposition violations, strain and anxiety symptoms, to feel more alive and not as numb, to express anger at others and to penalize themselves instead of obtain attention or commit suicide. explained in this poignant quotation:


When my Father stopped abusing me, I needed to compensate for the harm which had suddenly disappeared.

I had been Stunned to discover that a few people today learn to sew their own wounds so they don't have to seek out medical attention. BPs are intellectually aware of the motives they hurt themselvesbut this does not make it any easier for them to stop. This lack of rationale can be clarified with this quotation from Marsha Linehan:

People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their body. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement. |}

As this is An information manual and educational publication for non-BPs, there's a segment that focuses on loving, in a sensitive fashion, damaging borderline behavior, and sensibly explains you"have to leave your own world and travel into theirs." It gives much"how-to" information on non-BPD responses to borderline hysterics and tantrums along with the positive effects and calming influence this has on the connection, explaining how to maintain steady under extreme pressure and relentless provocation to consciously Socialize with equal venom.

Part Two is Branded Taking Back Control of Your Life, also explains how to make the required changes within yourself. You can direct the BP to treatment but you can not make them feel better; that is up to them. It describes the illogical basis of a BP's self-denial a problem exists and sheds light on the fact that a BP will seek out help when they think the benefits of doing so outweigh the barriers in their path of change. Here is one girl's unfolding epiphany:

My very own shock Was the appearance in my four year old son's eyes when I lost it and began smacking him before his thighs and face was reddish. He had not done something wrong. I was beating him for being a kid when I did not feel like being a mommy. And when he originally began bawling, it made me angrier. I struck him harder.

There's a {Part on using coping strategies for self-care, the way to seek out validation and support, the way to seek out Internet assistance and community groups and above all how to keep a fantastic sense of humor. |} Taking care of yourself, detaching with love, taking your life back, not allowing yourself to be abused, taking the heat from the situation by softly paraphrasing and reflexive listening, developing a security plan for imminent self-mutilation, the way to fortify your own self-identity and self-esteem, taking responsibility for your own behaviour and remembering that occasionally, "... splitting along with other BPD behavior can be catching."

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"If you find Yourself involved with a BP, you can bet you have unfinished business with a parent." |} that this is an unconscious bid to replicate the expertise to resolve unfinished business with the parent. |} It gives advice on the way sensuous, physical and psychological abuse has broken up a BP's personal bounds and limitations and the shame and humiliation that harms.

Abused Kids feel confused about what to allow others do to them physically, how to let others treat them mentally and how to interact with other people in socially acceptable ways.


Kids who Experience abuse also learn to deny pain and chaos or take them as normal and appropriate. They learn that their feelings were wrong or did not matter. |} They learn to concentrate on immediate success.

To describe This another way, they are obligated from scripts from yesteryear.

Part Three Focuses on Resolving Particular Issues such as coping with the Borderline kid. {There's a heartfelt story about parenting struggles from a mother and father of an out-of-control 14-year-old daughter diagnosed with BPD after bipolar medicine was unsuccessful. |} Various anecdotes explain the way the family could be torn apart from a BP kid and most importantly how they can be brought back with treatment, the right medicine, patience and above all unconditional love.

This publication Addresses the many complex and complex issues for BPs and non-BPs. |} It is first, well-written and gave me a much greater understanding of what the non-BP experiences. I thought I understood mostly everything there was to learn about BPD, but this informative book has opened my eyes farther. If you've got a BP person in your house or suspect a friend or relative may have BP, this is the book to go to for that very helpful piece of information that just may save your sanity. |}

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder