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Stop Walking on Eggshells Book: Taking Your Life Back When |} {Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder


From a Patient's point of view, the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) could be an exceptionally traumatic and judgmental one. |} So it is an excellent joy to be able to discover a book that is empathic toward people affected by this condition. next version of "Stop Walking on Eggshells -- Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About has Borderline Personality Disorder" by Paul T. Mason, MS and Randi Kreger. |}

Finally, There is a sympathetic, shrewd, educational, blame-free, plain and simply written discourse aimed at non-BPs with significant other BPs in their lives. clarifies what BDP is, symptoms of which can include abandonment and rejection difficulties, absence of self-identity, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, inappropriate anger, and emotional instability, paranoia, dividing of people into all good and all bad and suicidal ideation. |} It provides everyday solutions for coping with BP behavior, how to seek aid for the affected individual, what extra traits occur that the DSM does not mention, deals effectively with universal myths and everyday realities, explains succinctly why BPs behave the way they do and generally destigmatizes BPD.

It is a most Comprehensive book written for either side of the borderline fence with simple to read chapters end in succinct summaries. Text boxes are summarized in an attempt to underline the main message of the appropriate passage and although this is a bit distracting, it does serve a greater purpose. But a word of caution to any BPs reading this book: Although it is written in a really compassionate voice, it might unearth repressed memories from childhood and provoke unconscious triggering behavior you might not even be conscious of until the damage is done.

Many Technical and learned books by distinguished psychiatrists are published with respect to the behavioral and cognitive processes of people with BPD without actually explaining at a humanistic level what this diagnosis can mean to the individual suffering and their mentally healthy wives, husbands, partners and children. This book augments and expands on our existing knowledge of BPD with much additional important information such as lesser known BPD traits such as pervasive shame, undefined borders, control difficulties, absence of object constancy, interpersonal sensitivity and situational proficiency.

Within some Psychology circles, BP sufferers are considered the"cane toads" of treatment , a seemingly ugly, wild species, much maligned and vilified, out of control, multiplying quickly and taxing the health insurance system and also the patience and timing of all concerned. It is not unusual for these people to be weeded out of therapy by unscrupulous and ruthless mental health professionals that see them as excruciatingly difficult, exceptionally rough, almost untreatable and virtually stricken using their perceived"divide and conquer" ability to divide at will. In contrast, there are some extremely educated therapists that are altering the course of treatment and also the standard of life for these people (believe Marsha Linehan, founder of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, especially intended for BPD).

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Stop Walking On Eggshells explains and defines BPD behavior in the historical context of genetic predisposition, a traumatic upbringing or social environment that needs to be viewed as dysfunctional early coping mechanisms and survival abilities internalized at a very early age. |} This book offers new and healthier techniques for handling significant relationships that overlays old experience with new. I believe its most important message explains BPD behavior concerning manipulation vs. desperation. To put it differently, BPDs don't deliberately consciously manipulate people; instead, they are emotionally desperate in their own panicked and frantic efforts to contact others at a most genuine and authentic method.

The book is Divided into three components. Recognizing BPD Behavior. |} segment gives much needed validation and vindication to kids of BPs who have to understand that their BP parents' inexplicable behavior. |} Explained in graphic detail and with lots of anecdotes, it attempts to impart the understanding that parental BP behavior and criticism isn't about the non-BP kid and what to do with the other. It defines how the internal world of the BP grows, grows and explodes out of control and how this crucial voice can seriously damage non-BPs' self-identity and self-esteem. As one non-BP said:

My body Functions were criticized. asserted I did not eat, walk, speak, think, run, sit, flake, cry, sneeze, cough, laugh, bleed or listen properly. |}

Many BPs Vary between extremes of idealization and devaluation, otherwise known as"splitting" that is an unconscious defense mechanism. |} {BPs see people as either the wicked witch or the fairy godmother. |} The book states:

Because People with BPD have a tough time incorporating a person's good and bad traits, their present opinion of somebody is often based on their last interaction together like somebody who lacks a memory that is temporary.

Part One {Also explains how BPs lack an awareness of self, feel empty inside, they are different people based on whom they are using, are dependent upon others for behavioral signs, are panicked and exhausted when independently, judge themselves and others harshly, never feel good enough and see themselves as helpless victims of different men and women. |}

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It further Explains why BP impulsivity and substance abuse often go together with self-mutilating behaviours including cutting, burning, breaking bones, head banging, needle bending , skin scratching, and pulling out hairs and ripping off scabs. |} The purpose of self-injury is relief of mood violations, strain and anxiety symptoms, to feel more alive and less numb, to express anger at others and to punish themselves rather than obtain attention or commit suicide. explained in this poignant quote:


When my Dad stopped abusing me, I needed to compensate for the harm which had suddenly vanished.

I had been Stunned to find that some people learn how to sew up their own wounds so they don't have to seek out medical care. BPs are intellectually aware of the motives they hurt themselves, but that does not make it any easier for them to stop. This lack of rationale can be explained with this quote from Marsha Linehan:

People with BPD are similar to people with third degree burns over 90 percent of the body. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest movement or touch. |}

As this is An information manual and educational book for non-BPs, there's a segment that focuses on loving, in a sensitive manner, destructive borderline behavior, and sensibly explains you"have to leave your own world and travel into theirs." It gives much"how-to" information on non-BPD answers to borderline hysterics and tantrums along with the positive effects and calming influence that has on the connection, explaining how to maintain steady under extreme pressure and constant provocation to actively retaliate with equal venom.

Part Two is Labeled Taking Back Control of Your Own Life , and explains how to create the required changes on your own. You can direct the BP to cure but you can not create them well or feel better; that is up to them. It describes the illogical basis of a BP's self-denial a problem exists and sheds light on the fact that a BP will seek out help when they think that the benefits of doing so outweigh the obstacles in their course of change. Here is 1 girl's unfolding epiphany:

My very own shock Was the look in my four year-old son's eyes once I dropped it and started smacking him until his thighs and face was reddish. He had not done anything wrong. I was beating him being a child when I didn't feel like being a mommy. And when he initially began bawling, it made me angrier. I hit him harder.

There is a {Part on using coping strategies for self-care, how to seek out support and validation, how to find Internet help and community classes and above all how to maintain a good sense of humor. |} Taking care of yourself, detaching with love, taking back your life, not allowing yourself to be abused, carrying the heat out of the situation by gently paraphrasing and reflexive listening, developing a security plan for impending self-mutilation, how to fortify your own self-identity and self-esteem, taking responsibility for your own behaviour and remembering that sometimes, "... splitting along with other BPD behaviour can be grabbing."

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"Should you find Yourself involved with a BP, you can bet you have unfinished business with a parent." |} that this is an unconscious bid to replicate the experience to resolve unfinished business with the parent. |} It gives advice on how sexual, physical and emotional abuse has violated a BP's personal bounds and limits as well as the humiliation and shame that damages.

Abused Children feel confused about what to let others do to them how to let others treat them emotionally and how to socialize with others in socially acceptable ways.


Children who Experience abuse also learn how to deny pain and chaos or accept them as normal and proper. know that their feelings were wrong or didn't matter. |} They learn to concentrate on immediate success.

To describe This another way, they are bound from scripts from yesteryear.

Part Three Focuses on Resolving Particular Issues for example coping with the Borderline kid. {There is a heartfelt story about parenting struggles from a mother and father of an out-of-control 14-year-old daughter diagnosed with BPD after bipolar medication was unsuccessful. |} Various anecdotes describe how a family can be ripped apart from a BP kid and most importantly how they can be brought back with therapy, the right medication, patience and above all unconditional love.

This publication Addresses the many complex and complex problems for BPs and non-BPs. |} It is first, well-written and gave me a much greater comprehension of what the non-BP experiences. I believed I understood mainly what there was to learn about BPD, but this insightful book has opened my eyes further. If you have a BP person on your home or suspect a friend or family member may have BP, this is the book to go to for that very helpful bit of information that just may save your sanity. |}

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder