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Stop Walking on Eggshells Book: Taking Your Life Back When |} {Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder


From a standpoint, the identification of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) could be an exceptionally traumatic and one. |} So it is an excellent pleasure to have the ability to find a publication that's empathic toward individuals affected by this condition. next version of "Stop Walking on Eggshells -- Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About has Borderline Personality Disorder" by Paul T. Mason, MS and Randi Kreger. |}

Finally, There is a sympathetic, shrewd, insightful, blame-free, simple and simply written discourse aimed toward non-BPs with significant other BPs in their lives. It explains what BDP is, symptoms of which can include abandonment and rejection issues, lack of self-identity, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, inappropriate anger, and psychological instability, paranoia, dividing of individuals into all good and bad and suicidal ideation. |} It offers everyday solutions for dealing with BP behaviour, how to get aid for the affected individual, what extra traits occur that the DSM does not mention, deals effectively with universal myths and everyday realities, explains succinctly why BPs act the way they perform and normally destigmatizes BPD.

It is a most Thorough book written for both sides of the borderline fence with easy to read chapters ending from succinct summaries. Text boxes are summarized in an effort to highlight the main message of the appropriate passing and although that can be a bit distracting, it does serve a higher purpose. But a word of warning to any BPs reading this novel: Though it is written in a very compassionate voice, it may unearth repressed memories from childhood and provoke unconscious triggering behaviour you may not even be aware of until the harm is done.

Many Technical and learned novels by eminent psychiatrists have been published with respect to the cognitive and behavioral processes of individuals with BPD without really describing at a humanistic level this diagnosis can mean to the individual suffering and their emotionally healthy wives, husbands, partners and children. This book strengthens and expands on our current understanding of BPD with considerably more important information such as lesser known BPD traits such as pervasive shame, undefined boundaries, control issues, lack of object constancy, social sensitivity and situational proficiency.

Within a few Psychology circles, BP sufferers are believed the"cane toads" of treatment , a seemingly ugly, wild species, much maligned and vilified, from control, multiplying fast and taxing the medical insurance system and also the patience and timing of all concerned. It is not uncommon for those people to be weeded from therapy by unscrupulous and ruthless mental health professionals who see them as excruciatingly difficult, exceedingly demanding, almost untreatable and virtually stricken using their perceived"divide and conquer" ability to split at will. In contrast, there are a few extremely educated therapists who are altering the plan of treatment and also the standard of life for these people (believe Marsha Linehan, founder of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, specifically intended for BPD).

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Stop Walking defines and explains BPD behaviour in the historical context of genetic predisposition, a traumatic upbringing or social environment that has to be seen as dysfunctional early coping mechanisms and survival abilities internalized at a really young age. |} This book offers new and healthier techniques for handling significant relationships which overlays old encounter with fresh. I feel its important message explains BPD behaviour in terms of manipulation vs. desperation. To put it differently, BPDs don't deliberately consciously manipulate folks; rather, they're emotionally distressed in their panicked and frantic efforts to contact others at a genuine and authentic manner.

The publication is Divided into three parts. Recognizing BPD Behavior. |} This section gives much needed validation and vindication to children of BPs who need to understand their BP parents' inexplicable behaviour. |} Explained in picture detail and with many anecdotes, it attempts to impart the knowledge that parental BP behaviour and criticism is not about the non-BP child and everything to do with the other. It defines the way the internal world of the BP grows, grows and explodes out of control and how this critical voice can seriously harm non-BPs' self-identity and self-esteem. As one non-BP said:

My body Functions were also criticized. My borderline mother claimed I did not eat, walk, speak, think, run, sit, urinate, shout, sneeze, cough, laugh, bleed or listen correctly. |}

Many BPs Fluctuate between extremes of idealization and devaluation, otherwise called"splitting" that is an unconscious defense mechanism. |} {BPs see individuals as either the wicked witch or the fairy godmother. |} The publication states:

Because Individuals with BPD have a hard time integrating a person's good and bad traits, their current opinion of somebody is frequently based on their last interaction with them like somebody who lacks a short-term memory.

Part One {Also explains how BPs lack a sense of self, feel empty inside, that they are different individuals based on whom they're using, are dependent upon other people for behavioral signs, are panicked and bored when independently, judge others and themselves harshly, never feel good enough and see themselves as helpless victims of different men and women. |}

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It further Clarifies why BP impulsivity and substance abuse often go hand in hand with self-mutilating behaviours including cutting, burning, breaking bones, head banging, needle pokingskin scratching, pulling out hairs and ripping off scabs. |} The objective of self-injury is relief of mood offenses, stress and anxiety symptoms, to feel much more alive and not as numb, to express anger at others and to penalize themselves rather than obtain attention or commit suicide. Self-sabotage and self-destruction is succinctly explained in this poignant quote:


When my Father stopped abusing me, I had to compensate for the hurt that had suddenly vanished.

I was Stunned to discover that a few people today learn to sew their own wounds so they don't have to seek medical attention. BPs are intellectually aware of the motives they hurt themselvesbut that does not make it any easier for them to stop. This lack of reasoning can be clarified with this quote from Marsha Linehan:

Individuals with BPD are like individuals with third degree burns over 90 percent of the body. distress at the slightest movement or touch. |}

As this is An information guide and educational publication for non-BPs, there is a section that focuses on appreciating, in a sensitive manner, destructive borderline behaviour, and sensibly explains you"have to leave your own world and travel into theirs." It gives much"how-to" information on non-BPD responses to borderline hysterics and sodas along with the positive results and calming influence that has on the relationship, describing how to hold steady under intense pressure and relentless provocation to actively Socialize with equal venom.

Part Two is Labeled Taking Back Control of Your Life, and explains how to create the required changes on your own. You can direct the BP to cure but you can't create them feel better; this is up to them. It clarifies the illogical foundation of a BP's self-denial that a problem exists and sheds light on the fact that a BP will seek help when they feel the benefits of doing so outweigh the barriers in their course of change. This is one woman's unfolding epiphany:

My very own shock Was the look in my four year-old son's eyes once I lost it and started smacking him before his thighs and face was reddish. He hadn't done anything wrong. I was beating him for being a kid when I didn't feel like being a mother. When he originally began bawling, it left me angrier. I struck him harder.

There is a {Part on using coping strategies for self-care, the way to seek support and validation, the way to seek out Internet help and community groups and above all how to maintain a good sense of humor. |} Taking care of yourself, detaching with love, taking back your life, not allowing yourself to be abused, taking the heat from the situation by gently paraphrasing and reflexive listening, developing a safety plan for imminent self-mutilation, the way to bolster your own self-identity and self-esteem, taking accountability for your own behaviour and recalling that sometimes, "... splitting along with other BPD behavior can be catching."

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"Should you find Yourself involved with a BP, you can bet that you have unfinished business with a parent" |} The book explains this is an unconscious bid to duplicate the experience to solve unfinished business with the parent. |} It gives advice on the way sexual, physical and psychological abuse has violated a BP's personal bounds and limitations and the shame and humiliation that harms.

Abused Children feel confused about what to allow others do to them how to let others handle them mentally and how to interact with other people in socially appropriate ways.


Children who Experience abuse also learn to deny pain and chaos or accept them as normal and proper. They learn that their feelings were wrong or didn't matter. |} They learn to focus on immediate success.

To explain This way, they are bound from scripts from yesteryear.

Part Three Focuses on Resolving Special Issues for example dealing with the Borderline child. {There is a heartfelt story about parenting struggles from a mother and father of an out-of-control 14-year-old daughter diagnosed with BPD after bipolar medication was unsuccessful. |} Different anecdotes describe the way the family can be torn apart from a BP child and most importantly how they can be brought back together with therapy, the ideal medication, patience and most importantly unconditional love.

This book Addresses the many complex and complicated issues for BPs and non-BPs. |} It is first, well-written and gave me a much greater comprehension of what the non-BP experiences. I believed I knew mainly everything there was to know about BPD, but this informative book has opened my eyes farther. In case you have a BP person on your home or suspect a friend or relative may have BP, this is the book to go to for this helpful piece of information that just may save your sanity. |}

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder